Why Showering is Basically a Triathlon for Spoonies
Let’s talk about the Olympic-level event nobody’s giving out medals for: taking a shower while chronically ill.
If you know, you know.
For the rest of y’all, imagine this:
You’ve got muscle pain, fatigue, brain fog, dizziness, and sensory overload — and someone says, “Just hop in the shower!”
Oh, honey.
That’s not a hop. That’s a full-blown mission.
With prep, strategy, rest stops, and recovery time.
Welcome to the Spoonie Triathlon: Shower Edition.
🏁 Phase 1: Pre-Race Prep (a.k.a. "Psyching Yourself Up")
It starts hours (or days) before you ever turn on the water.
Do I have the energy today?
Will hot water trigger a flare? Will cold water wreck my joints?
Is this a dry shampoo day, or an actual soap-and-water situation?
You mentally scan your supply list like you’re packing for Everest:
✅ Towel
✅ Clean clothes
✅ Shower chair
✅ Unscented, un-triggering products
✅ Exit strategy
Sometimes just the decision to shower steals the first spoon of the day.
💦 Phase 2: The Event (aka “Get in, Get Clean, Get Out Alive”)
This is the main event. And it’s not pretty.
Standing? Optional. Many of us sit, perch, or rotate like rotisserie chickens to conserve energy.
Shampooing? Feels like arm day at the gym.
Water pressure? Sensory hell.
Shaving? Not unless there’s a wedding or medical appointment involved.
And heaven help us if the water goes from soothing to scalding mid-rinse.
Then there’s the whole breathing situation — because let’s not pretend like steam + heat + fatigue isn’t a full-on cardiovascular challenge.
🧼 Phase 3: The Post-Shower Crash
This is where people really don’t get it.
You’re “clean” now, right? So why are you lying face-down in a towel like you just ran a marathon?
Because that 10-minute shower cost you everything.
Muscles feel like jelly.
Heart rate is up.
Vision might be spotty.
Nausea kicking in.
Hair? Wet. Forever. No energy to dry it.
What most people see as a simple hygiene task, we experience as a multi-phase endurance test with a mandatory nap afterward.
🧠 But Seriously… It’s Not Just Laziness
This is the part where we pull back the sarcasm curtain a bit.
Because while we joke about showers being a sport, it’s not because we’re dramatic. It’s because we’re honest.
Chronic illness means your body burns through energy like an old iPhone on 3%. And basic things — like showering — become major decisions with real consequences.
Some days you do it.
Some days you skip it.
And both days? You’re still doing your best.
🛁 Shower Tips from a Certified Spoonie
If you’re still trying to balance cleanliness with chronic fatigue, here are a few real-life hacks:
Dry shampoo is a hero – no shame in that game.
Shower chairs or stools – sit down, save energy.
Cooler water helps with POTS or overheating.
Have everything ready before you start – nothing worse than being soaking wet with no towel nearby.
Keep it short. You’re not filming a shampoo commercial.
And most importantly:
You don’t owe anyone a fresh blowout and shaved legs to be valid.
✨ Spoonie Affirmation Break
Need a reminder for the tough hygiene days?
Here's one from my Spoonie Affirmation Cards:
👉 “Skipping a shower isn’t gross — it’s grace.”
We created these bite-sized boosts exactly for moments like this.
Funny, real, and designed for the days you don’t feel “productive” but are still surviving.
📌 Grab your Spoonie Affirmation Cards here: www.lovinspoontx.org/s/spoonie-affirmation-cards
💬 Final Thoughts: You’re Still a Rockstar
Whether you showered today, yesterday, or “don’t wanna talk about it” — you’re not gross. You’re not lazy. You’re navigating a body that demands strategy, not shame.
So the next time you manage a shower? Celebrate it.
And if you don’t?
That’s okay, too.
Olympic-level strength looks different when you’re chronically ill.
And you, my friend, are gold medal material.
